Who Knows (Chapter #1)
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Mal and Zoe get a job; while the past comes back to haunt a crew-member.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 3051 RATING: 7.0 (NC17) SERIES: FIREFLY
EXT. JAHRENE. LANDING STRIP - DUSK
Serenity came to a swift, and graceful landing. The Loading Bay doors opened. Mal and Zoe stood at the top of the ramp; taking a good look around before they started walking down.
MAL: What do you think?
ZOE: I don't like it.
MAL: Have you ever liked it?
ZOE: Depends on what we're talking about.
Beat.
MAL: What's off about this planet?
ZOE: It has a really eerie aura. Also, that sunset is kinda freaking me out.
Indeed, the sunset looks a little too much like a Matte Painting for comfort.
Mal laughs.
MAL: I'm beginning to think you're not a big fan of travel.
ZOE: The travel I don't mind. It's the staying I'm not fond of.
MAL: You never mentioned this before.
ZOE: Never cared to.
They walk on the soil; clay mud. Zoe looks disgusted; Mal is in his element.
GRUBS walks up to them. Thirty-two and balding, he makes a grubby impression.
GRUBS: Morning. First-time?
MAL: Yeah. I heard you had some business.
GRUBS: Sure do. 24/7 in fact. Life never stops on the Big Planets.
MAL: This is a big planet?
GRUBS: Sure. Compared to Kilhone.
He starts off. Mal and Zoe follow.
INT. SERENITY. MESS HALL
Book takes a seat at a table. Wash is already sitting there.
WASH: Morning Preacher.
BOOK: Morning Wash.
They eat for a sec.
BOOK: Not planning to take off any time soon?
WASH: Huh?
BOOK: We seem to be rather more stationery than usual.
WASH: Oh, right. No. Zoe and Mal seem to think there's work here. I'm assuming so anyway. Somehow I get the impression that there really isn't that much of an attraction between them.
BOOK: Funny, I got that two.
Kaylee joins them.
KAYLEE: Morning.
BOOK: Morning.
Wash nearly jumps off his seat when she arrives. He spills his food. Book shoots him a foul look.
KAYLEE: Wow. My Pa always told me I'd get some lucky guy to spill his food some day.
Book stares at Kaylee; who stares at Wash; who grins nervously, trying not to meet her gaze. Something is up.
WASH: I think I'd better go, do, b
You can't take the sky from me
I will contact the staff of the site to delete Washing Away The Sin.
This is the definitive story arc I am going to follow. Consider the other one a failed template for this.
I have some clarity issues in tracking the action. For example: "Jayne sits on the operating table. Simon jabs a syringe into his arm. He's promptly knocked across the room." Now, I thought the syringe knocked *Jayne* across the room as his pronoun was the last refered to in the prior sentence.
Another puzzler was: "GRUBS: Make a move and he dies.
Mal does the same." Mal dies?
Head-scratcher here: "Click: A gun is reloaded." Reloaded? Or cocked?
Basically could do with more scene setting and action description.
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