The Dr. Tam Journals –Part 7 – Jaynestown

Kaylee made her way back to the passenger dorm, careful not to spill the remainder of her tea, her mind replaying her conversation with the Capt’n. Inara leaving again wasn’t as big a shock as she thought it would be ‘cause Inara had hinted that she would go soon. But the Capt’n was obviously devastated, hiding it as well as he could. God, men were such idiots at times! Why couldn’t he just tell her? Too complication, she’s this, I’m that, it’d never work, blah, blah, blah. Coward’s way out! But she knew he wasn’t a coward; he was just not articulate when it came to expressing his feelings. That Inara felt the same way about him was obvious to all but him.

His feelings got trampled on before, that much she knew, in the war. Not over love of a woman, but over a belief in something that was shattered. Once she asked Zoe why the Capt’n despised religion and she told her the one and only secret she ever gave about Malcolm Reynolds. When she had first met him, in the second year of the war, he was already a sergeant and had lots of combat experience. And he was also very religious. Not in the way of preaching to everyone but he did believe in God and he wore a cross round his neck he was prone to kissing before doing something dangerous and usually foolhardy. He was a true believer in the rebellion and in their leaders and generals. When they were told to surrender in Serenity Valley, it just devastated him. After a week of waiting for help while the generals negotiated the surrender, a week of watching his soldiers expiring of their wounds, he tore off that cross and threw it away, saying there was no more God.

Now all he had was this ship and its crew. He was like her big brother and Kaylee loved him in that way and had always felt a comfort and strength in the knowledge that he was always there to…well, protect her, was the only way she could put it. He was their leader and Kaylee suddenly felt that she would miss him more than any of the others and Serenity itsel