Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

Stepping Up - part 2

Friday, June 22, 2007

About two or three weeks later, still on Persephone.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2928    RATING: 7.0 (G)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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PFC Vex came out of the field hospital for a breather and immediately saw SFC Magda Martin standing and smoking on a nearbly rise. She smiled as she approached the younger woman, but a look of concern replaced her brief joy as she registered the changes in her precious 'Jing Chai'.

Magda had always been an ernest child, but she had also had a joy in life and a passionate side that had burned brightly. Now, Vex realised, she rarely saw her smile. Instead of warmth in her eyes, she most often registered some kind of carefully contrusted reserve, as if she was constantly weighing up everyone and everything.

Which is exactly what she was doing.

Magda's solemn reverie was disturbed by the approach of her former nanny - it had been almost 20 years since she held that postion in the Martin household, but in both women's hearts they were both as dear to one another as if they had never been apart. Now one of her rare, but warm, smiles transformed her face as Hestia Vex reached her side.

"How's it look in there", Magda nodded towards the medical tent.

"It's settled down for now", Hestia replied as she stretched her neck and took deep cleansing breaths.

"I'm next to useless on days like these", Magda said flatly, drawing on her cigarette.

"You're more use than you give yourself credit for, and you'll become more skilled in time and with experience...", she pasued, "..and all that study you're doin'".

Magda smiled a little more wryly at her Aah Mah. "Can I keep nothing from you?" she said of the shrewdness Hestia always had for noting the activities of others.

It was true, Magda was reading everything that SGM Harris could provide, as well as a few texts she'd aquired since they'd arrived on Persephone. Her reasons for joining the medical unit had nothing to do with any sense of calling or noble desire to ease the suffering of others, but nonethelessshe took her assignment seriously and applied herself to the task of repairing broken bodies with the same commitment she'd shown to everything

Comments
Friday, 22 June 2007 08:01
This is better but still vague. It is good to keep people in suspense but there has to be other things around to keep the readers' attention. It might work better if your sections were joined together and then separated by *** or something. I like the idea of Magda's Aah Mah being part of the same brigade.
Wednesday, 27 June 2007 03:27
Definitely a lot more explainy than the last chapter...but we need more! Don't be afraid to write some long blobs of exposition;)

BEB
Sunday, 07 October 2007 01:12
Just found this over here, Magdala!
I've already commented on the 76th pages. Things seem to have slowed down over there what with D*C and the post D*C letdown.
(Guilty here.)

Keep posting!

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