Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

UNTITLED AS YET

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Mal and the crew have found a new enemy, and things go as they generally do: not smooth.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3202    RATING: 7.0 (G)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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This is my first try at this, so please be gentle!

All of the characters, save one, belong to Joss. Blackie the panther belongs to Ali D--thanks for letting me borrow her (I know it's been months since I asked!). Feedback would be shiny, but please be nice! Maybe a few thoughts on a title?

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Mal stumbled over the raised root of a tree in the snowy darkness of the woods, wincing at the pain it caused the bullet wound in his left thigh. Why in the sphincter of hell had he let Simon talk him into delivering medicines to St. Albans? He had hated the place since dropping Tracey’s body to his family, and hadn’t been back here since. Truth to tell, he’d never much liked the place to begin with; it was just too gorram cold. He hadn’t been thrilled with the idea of coming here; he’d been fighting a cold for nearly a week, and the atmosphere on St. Albans wasn’t much help. But he didn’t have any good reason to turn Simon down, other than his own distaste for the planet. So here he was, with a gunshot wound, limping through the woods in the opposite direction from his ship, with no idea what had just happened or why. They’d never had enemies on St. Albans before, so he couldn’t fathom who had shot him or what their reasons might be for it, and that was why he was headed away from Serenity. It didn’t make sense to bring trouble home, at least not until you knew the size and shape of it.

Pausing for a moment, Mal listened intently to the night, trying to ignore his pain. The situation was getting worse. He could hear men on his back trail, more than a few, calling to each other, drawing closer. At this rate, they were going to catch him. Soon, too, and he had no intention of being caught by them.

Blood loss was making him dizzy. He shook his head to clear it and forced himself onward. He had to keep moving. Maybe if he crossed the river…

A glance to his right convinced him that the river wasn’t the

Comments
Thursday, 03 May 2007 18:56
Sorry about the double post! All the separations I had put into my word program had vanished, so I went back and added them in! Oops!
Thursday, 03 May 2007 19:25
Loved the first bit, avalonsmommy. Found it descriptive and interesting, specially all his musings. Didn't get the whole panther thing - but that's probably my issue, not yours!! I'm a newbie at this as well, so I know how important feedback is.
Thursday, 03 May 2007 19:26
Sorry - title!! Too early for a title suggestion, need to read more please.
Thursday, 03 May 2007 19:28
The panther came from Amdobell's "The Pursuit Series"--I asked her if I could borrow her for this!
Thursday, 03 May 2007 22:08
Intriguing start, avalonsmommy. You have a nice feel for description, which I always appreciate! I also like your Mal voice, it sounds true. Could definitely see him struggling through the trees, weighing his options while cursing Simon. My only suggestion is to maybe slow it down a little bit, for instance, intersperse the card game with your Mal scenes. Interested in where you are taking this, I like your writing.
Friday, 04 May 2007 09:18
Thanks, homespun! I'll try to slow it down. I don't really know where this is going yet, just writing whatever comes to mind!
Monday, 07 May 2007 16:42
Definitrely a great opening gambit for what I expect will become quite the rousing tale;D

Do got to ask though...since I don't recall reading the final part(s) of "The Pursuit Series" (or if I did, I have forgotten), I guess this means you got it from the horse's mouth that Blackie got off Savannah with the BDHs. Right?

BEB

P.S. Agree with homespun re: speed of events occurring. Tease things out a bit to make us really want more;)

BEB
Tuesday, 08 May 2007 02:14
Actually, according to Ali D's story, the panther did NOT leave Savannah, but I'm writing as if something intervened and they did bring the panther along. In her story, the panther was an empath--maybe she made living in Mal's head hell until he went back for her!

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