A.N. Rated R for sexual content. Consider yourself warned twice now. Thanks to AgentOmega for the beta.

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He noticed it after the first time they had sex. He thought he’d done well. Thought he’d pleased her. She’d pleasured him beyond the ability of rational thought. But as he beamed at her across the breakfast table the next day and she smiled back winsomely, he saw disappointment behind her eyes. His pride deflated a little, knowing she had a lot of partners to compare him to. First time’s always rough. He’d do better next time.

The second time, after they made love, as he held her, pretending to sleep, he felt a stray tear fall from her cheek onto his arm. Just one. No sobs or sniffles with it. He had disappointed her again and it broke his spirit. All this time he’d wanted her, and now that she let him have her, he wasn’t good enough. Wasn’t up to par. And a single tear fell down his cheek as well, caught by the pillow. Loosening his grip, Mal started to roll to the far side of the bed so his ego could wallow in solitude, but her voice stilled him.

“Mal,” she called softly, a gentle, desperate plea behind the words. “Please hold me.”

He could hear the tears in the way her voice quivered, and he could not help but comply. He realized that in all the times they’d been together, it was the first time she’d asked, begged even, for his touch. It was a plea born not of physical desire, but of something else entirely … Sadness? Fear? Yearning? His eyes closed to the grief between them, and he held her tight until they both fell asleep.

The third time she climbed into his bunk, his ego couldn’t take it and he was in no mood for sex. He needed to talk things out with her and wasn’t sure how. He played up a recent gunshot wound on his arm so she wouldn’t engage him, but she saw right through his hesitation and it hurt her deeply. So they sat sideways on the bed, holding hands like teenagers. The conversation was awkward, distant, and provided no answers. It ended with her massaging his b