Disclaimer: Everything in the 'Verse is owned by Joss. I'm just taking it out for a quick spin.
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Why does it always have to rain? Malcolm Reynolds asked himself as he stared at the rapidly-darkening sky. Angry black clouds had been gathering overhead ever since Serenity had broken the atmosphere and now he could see the occasional fork of lightning flashing over the nearby city. Although the Unification war had not brought him here, Reynolds had heard the stories of New Odessa. From the looks of things, very little had changed. The planet’s industrial skyline was showing signs of decay and was coloured a dirty, unsettling combination of reds and brown mixed with sterile shades of grey. The landscape – if it could be called that – still showed signs of the war with the rusted and abandoned hulks of everything from tanks to skiffs littering the ground. Most had been cannibalised by the locals, stripped away of anything even remotely useful until all that remained were hollow shells. Reynolds doubted that even Kaylee would be unable to find anything in them.
“I hate this place,” he said flatly as he watched the rain coming closer and growing more impatient by the minute. The middlemen still hadn’t arrived and Reynolds was itching to get rid off this depressing rock. Zoë Washburne said nothing, instead leaning against the shuttle with her sawn-off shotgun resting on her shoulder. Jayne Cobb was somewhere up on the nearby building, keeping an eye on the area from above. In keeping with New Odessa’s architectural styling, the building was a squat and ugly box with a flat sheet-iron roof and decorated with air vents and what had apparently once been a crane. Mal was stirred from his thoughts by the sound of an approaching vehicle. Irritated, he spoke into his radio.
“Gorram it, Jayne, they’re here! I clearly recall telling you to keep an eye out for anyone. Are you even awake up there?”
“Sorry, Captain, but there’s dozens of places a ruttin’ sniper could hi
You can't take the sky from me
The last two lines confused me as to speakers - perhaps you might revisit them? I also found I had to think a bit to follow Mal's meaning here based on what Carver said: <i>“Not too sure I like what you’re implying,” Reynolds said dangerously. “You may not have met us before, but somebody told you about me and mine, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. So if you don’t trust who I say I am, you don’t trust the people who told you about us either.”</i>
Just a little point, but you tell a real nice story so might want to know if anything distracts the reader.
Is she?
"How come it never goes smooth?"
Because then ti wouldn't be nearly as much fun to read and write!
And I gotta agree with the statement about the last couple of lines. It seems like Mal is answering his own internal monologue...which is kinda nutty:(
BEB
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