“No sudden moves now, Cobb.”

“Don’t think that’s a worry friend,” Jayne replied through clenched teeth.

“Good. Now that we’re exploring all sorts of new life-experiences, why’n’cha try somethin’ else and walk the straight and narrow. Into that alley yonder.”

Jayne hated to be prodded, but even he recognized the effectiveness of prodding when it was done with a high-caliber smoothbore. Least that’s what it sounded like. Walking done, Jayne took an extra step forward and turned on his heel to confront the Angry Voice.

“Don’t remember ever shootin’ at you before”

“That’s cause ya didn’t. Ya never will, neither. Cause you’re just gonna be a nice quiet agreeable prisoner till I git the coin from thems that want ye.”

The mercenary managed to furrow his brow at that one. In his line of work, the vast majority of his customers were either satisfied with the job, or were the job, and thus no longer among the living. How many –

Jayne’s train of thought, such as it was, was then cut off by the blunt impact to the base of his skull.

“OW, gorram it!”

“hwoon-dan must have a skull like an elephant!”

A second strike brought the matter to a close. Though he would not recall it, Jayne took mild pleasure in the last words he heard:

“Now why’d ya go and do that? Ya know what? Just for that, you’re gonna be the one t’carry him.”

[…]

“I always wonder at the fact that my stack of chores doesn’t fluctuate nearly as much when our resident gunhand isn’t about,” a smiling Meria Book observed

“Hm. Going to have to agree with that,” replied Simon. “I win more often too,” his deep concentration spreading into an impish smile.

“You. Guys. Suck.”

Wash was mentally preparing himself for septic vacc duty for the next 482 cycles. And not liking it one iota. Maybe if he’d fought in the war he’d have picked up some sort of trick for this sorta thing. Like using his well-honed unarmed combat skills to expunge those cocky grins from the pair across the table. Howeve