DISCLAIMER: All characters and whatnot belong to Joss Whedon, any bizarre reference belongs to other owners of other rights. It's just something stupid-i-hope-fun that i wrote...try to just laugh and enjoy.

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"No, Mal, leave me be!" Jayne shouted, his eyes wild and his face flush with fever. "I've got to beat this vampire and his kid!"

"Jayne, I'm not sayin' ya can't beat 'em," Mal said, slowly walking towards the man in a pair of sleep shorts, waving a large knife in his hand. Mal raised his own empty hands, palms out, as he took another step closer. They were in the corridor leading to the bridge and Mal was still trying desperately to keep Wash, at least, from the illness until the job was finished. Jayne was trying to force his unseen opponents into the bridge, apparently.

"Mal, I just..." Jayne stopped waving the knife for a moment and blinked at Mal uncertainly. "Since when do vampires have kids?"

"I ain't exactly sure," Mal admitted, "But later, you and Zoë can discuss the possibilities." She, too, had asked Mal that question. Mal was beginning to wonder if the hallucinations weren't getting shared by bored crewmembers in their lucid moments.

"I think he's gonna...I..." Jayne dropped the knife and Mal picked it up quickly. Jayne swayed on his bare feet and reached for the wall.

"Jayne," Mal said, tiredly. "Back to your bunk. We're gonna be landin' soon and I need to know we ain't gonna be spreadin' this virus any further than we already have."

"Yeah, okay," Jayne grunted, his body showing signs of fatigue. He started to climb back down to his bunk and turned to look at the captain with an outstretched hand. "I'll take the knife back."

"I'm sure you'd like to," Mal sighed. "But until your vampire fightin' days have come to a halt, I think I'd feel better if you didn't have it."

"Oh," Jayne said, the mere fact that he wasn't arguing a sign of how sick he was. "Makes sense. Sorta." He finished the climb down. Mal sat heavily on the f