Blue Sun Room FICTION - ADVENTURE

Travelin' Through, Chapter 2: The New Danger

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Serenity has effected the broader 'verse in ways they have no knowledge of. Jack and Ennis are getting settled into their new situation.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 1157    RATING: 9.0 (NC17)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Legalities : Not my characters. I ain’t that good. Although the concepts are original musings of mine as I think what might happen after the events of the Series Finale/Major Motion Picture “Serenity”

Warning Some m/m and f/f smexin' In a word, slashariffic!

Disclaimer : MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE TELEVISION SHOW FIREFLY AND THE MOTION PICTURE SERENITY

A Note About Language: It’s been 500 years so some of the language I’ve adapted. For instance, in this chapter, the word “Russian” has been changed to “rushin” because now it’s a descriptor that has been divorced from its place of origin. Russia has no real meaning to most folks on the outer rim even if the core worlds teach about Earth-That-Was in detail. Also I might be making some shit up too. Loved Joss’s language going to try and keep that up but embellish it a bit. … Don’t’ trip if you see some Dark Tower’isms make their way into this fic as well. *cries over Firefly not getting it’s proper 7 seasons.* Okay, I’m better now. .. … … On to the narrative!

”… just a few of the images we’ve recorded and you can see it isn’t what we thought. There was no war here. No terraformforming event. The environment is stable. It’s the Pax. The G-32 Paxilon Hydroclorate, that we added to the air processors. … it was supposed to calm the population, weed out aggression. Make a peaceful …. It worked. The people here stopped fighting. And then the stopped everything else. They stopped going to work, stopped breeding… talking…. eating. There’s thirty million people here and all just let themselves die. …. There are people … about a tenth of a percent of the population had the opposite reaction to the Pax. Their aggressor response increased … beyond madness. They’ve become …. They’ve killed most of us … not just killed. They’ve done …. things.

“Reavers … they made them …”

~ from Serenity writtend and directed by Joss Whedon

To most f

Comments
Wednesday, 13 September 2006 18:56
I'm finding this (and its first part) a mixture of very good and containing odd errors. The big error first - please spell Zoe's name right (i.e. I would be grateful if you edited the post to spell it right; it's doing my head in). I'd be interested in the reasoning behind your decision to use so much text lifted straight from the pilot episode; for some reason it feels contrived in context, and so does the drop into present tense for Astrid's section - perhaps even something as simple as leaving an extra carriage return before the jump to Ariel would have helped the transition be a little less startling.

Other than that, and one or two grammar or punctuation blips (three paragraphs from the end, for instance), this is a very promising start to a longfic. Overall you write very well in terms of dialogue realism and quality of English - which makes the few boggles so surprising - and I thoroughly approve of the way you're setting up the storyverse, particularly the flips into Alliance points of view. I'll definitely keep reading.
SQUALLCLOUD
Wednesday, 13 September 2006 19:36
That's a good crit, Eloisa. Basically, I have never written slash before I fell in with my pals at The Ultimate Brokeback Forum. I started writing aobut J&E but then I wanted to do an Alternate Universe one with FF/S so I really wrote for that audience because most of them don't know FF/S eventhough a few of us have been stumping like crazy to get them to buy the DVDs and for at least two readers they are set to do so! I needed to kind of over do the FF exposition a bit.

As far as the captain's speech, I imagine him reciting the speech by rote. Why expend too much energy coming up with a new speech each time? I might need to fiddle with it for a FF centric audience. Like the significance of "Earl" that Ennis mentioned. If you didn't see BBM you wouldn't know him. *strokes chin and ponders*

The tense thing. I struggle with that. I'll be more aware of it in the future. Thanks for reading. :)
Monday, 18 September 2006 06:04
Mighty fine work, other than the odd issue that Eloisha raised, SquallCloud;)

Definitely liking how you are taking the Jack/Ennis relationship from the film and fitting it into a post-Miranda Wave 'Verse, though I gotta wonder about this Astrid character...

BEB
SQUALLCLOUD
Monday, 18 September 2006 23:57
I'll be illuminating more of Astrid's role as we roll on. Thanks for your crit BEB. :)

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