Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

In hoc signo vinces

Friday, August 18, 2006

My first FanFic.
About 4 months Post-BDM. The crew of Srenity are getting back to normal. While resting, Mal receives a wave from an old foe. Critisism welcome.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3040    RATING: 9.0 (PG)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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It was quite on the firefly class cargo transport ‘Serenity’.

The crew had finally retreated to their individual quarters, and as the lights dimmed on his ship, Malcolm Reynolds finally had the chance to sit and enjoy the peace. Their last job had actually paid in coin, and handsomely too, so Mal could afford to be a little picky about the job’s he sent the crew on, preferring the one’s with less likelihood of violence. Jayne would be bored though.

Sitting on the bridge of the ship, in the co-pilots seat, he would never take the pilots seat anymore as that was for his little albatross, he was content to just look into the black and fall asleep, knowing that things were going smoothly for once. Sort of.

Though she never showed it to anyone, Zoë grieved something terrible for a long while over Wash, but she finally seemed to be emerging from the fog. Good news for the Captain, as he hated seeing her so unfocused on jobs where violence would no doubt ensue, even if she still was the best marksman on the ship. He suspected that she might blame him a bit for what happened to her husband, but he knew she’d never show it. The only time he’d seen her grieve openly was the second night in the black after Miranda. At the dinner table, he held her as she cried herself to sleep in his arms. Mal felt a little uncomfortable to be honest, not because of the emotion she showed, a rarity if ever there was one, but because this was Wash’s job. But she was still by his side, still following him like a women possessed, even if it wasn’t as blindly.”

Simon and Kaylee were getting along nicely, though Mal hated to think of his mei-mei being corrupted, even by a man as upstanding as the doc. And the doc was helping River deal with the effects the events of Miranda had on both her body and her mind. So she was dealing well enough, even if she would still get the occasional bout of the crazies.

Hell, even Jayne wasn’t complaining as much, content to work out or clean Vera whenever he was annoyed. Though Mal suspected that was

Comments
Friday, 18 August 2006 16:15
intriguing.
Friday, 18 August 2006 21:53
This is really good but if I were Mal I would have taken the Operative's warning then gone to find somewhere deep and far away, not go to meet him on Persephone. As sure as eggs are eggs if the Alliance are all out looking to hunt down the Operative then anywhere near that man is a death sentence for Serenity and *all* her crew. Poor Zoe, and why can't River say something besides how much worse it is going to get? Not exactly useful information. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
Saturday, 19 August 2006 06:44
Thanks AMDOBELL, but the reason Mal doesn't, or rathera can't take Serenity further concerns what they all see on the screen. Running right now is not an option. They have no leverage to run. If they see the Operative, he might be able to give them information they can use.
Monday, 21 August 2006 17:38
Hey, this is one I'm looking forward to continuing - like the way you set the scene. Things starting to go well enough until the appearance of the Op. Good characterization of the possible change in Mal and Zoe's relationship:

"She'd go along, but she would not be happy. And she would not forgive Mal if it cost her."
Monday, 21 August 2006 21:43
Mucho props to ya, BornToFly for taking the plunge. You have more cojones than I do right now;)

Gotta admit...I am very intrigued at what the Alliance thinks the Operative and the BDHs know that makes them still viable targets to be hunted. Really wanna see where you take this:D

Now..for the critique for future shininess:

1) Mal and the Operative neither have their final confrontation (where the Operative tells Mal about how the Alliance could still hunt them down) on Miranda nor does Mal send the Miranda Wave from Miranda. The wave was sent from Mr. Universe's Moon (only name I got for it) and the Mal-Operative moment in the rain occurs on Persephone

2) Your take on River seemes less than steady. The first time you have her speak in the story, she seems to talk like Jayne would ("Don’t look at me. If I have what they want, I sure as hell don’t know it") rather than the more formal cadence she uses during the series and movie. The final comment from River appears more like how she would be still.

But hey...your story, so you're the driver here. You want River to be a tad more blunt and rough, then I will allow you the opportunity to do so;)

BEB
Tuesday, 07 November 2006 04:09
Cool.
You captured The Operative briliantly.
Friday, 29 December 2006 21:56
Very nice take on the Operative, in particular - and your Mal and Zoe - both as characters individually and their (changing) dynamic - ring true.
Thursday, 29 September 2011 05:01
Oooo more?

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