Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

According to the Plan (Chapters 1-2)

Wednesday, August 9, 2006

When Serenity and her crew learn from a friendly source that the Alliance is on a search for lost treasure on Jiangyin, Mal can't resist the urge to at least try and steal it out from under the Alliance. But do Mal's jobs ever go according to the plan??? Just the 1st 2 chapters but please R&R!

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 1455    RATING: 9.0 (PG13)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Chapter One: Fall from Grace

The sun was just leaving the sky when a black government vehicle made its way down what locals called rich man’s row and pulled slowly into the roundabout driveway of the Tam Manor.

Before stepping out of the vehicle, the young man in the passenger’s seat turned to face his twin counterpart.

They had both been given this mission and shared the objective, which meant the success or failure of it would begin or end both of their careers.

“Are you ready?” He asked Akil and the other young man turned his empty green gaze on him. Their eyes locked and a look of significance passed between them; a mere glance that would be lost on all others.

“When have I ever let you down Bastiaan?” was the terse, almost monotone reply. “Let’s get this done,” Akil said as he opened his door, suddenly anxious to be outside and away from his twin.

“Yes,” Bastiaan replied, “Let’s. The Tams have been most troublesome to the Alliance. It is about time that this ridiculous chase came to an end.”

Approaching the house, Akil and Bastiaan walked up the large marble stairway that led to the front door. To anyone unfamiliar with their idiosyncrasies, it would seem that they were walking to a cadence that only they could hear, neither of them getting out of step once.

Bastiaan rang the doorbell once and waited patiently, hands at his side. Akil on the other hand was nervous and Bastiaan could sense it. This would be his first true mission for the Alliance. Until now, Bastiaan had been the only active one, but the instructor had seemed convinced that Akil was ready. Bastiaan however, had his doubts.

Anyone could see that the boy was emotional, lacked skill in both combat and conversation, and Bastiaan had no doubt in his mind that Akil was a danger to the operation and the Alliance in general.

Akil may have been his brother at one point in time, but Bastiaan was far beyond the call of blood and had been for years. At this juncture, he was not exactly giddy at the prospect that his entire career was

Comments
Wednesday, 09 August 2006 12:22
This is really very good, I particularly like the first chapter because of the way you showed the possible scenario at the Tam Estate after Simon had broken River out of the facility. Really good. A little error at the beginning of Chapter 2, when they are setting course Mal says New Hall and River says White Hall. Later Mal repeats that they are going to New Hall, so a little correction would clarify that. Otherwise this is super shiny. I really felt for Mal reliving the horrors of the war and understood his frustration that when Inara wants to talk he knows it won't be about what really matters hences refusing which also frustrates her. Can't wait to see what happens next. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
Wednesday, 09 August 2006 14:58
Very nice start. I'm definitely looking forward to reading more. I really enjoy stories that have Simon and River's parents so I hope you continue to use them in the story.
Friday, 11 August 2006 05:00
Well now...guess the Tams Senior (Regan and Gabriel) are gonna get a taste of what Simon lives with on Serenity: scrambling for income and goods to keep yourself and others alive;)

Oh..and the final part, with Mal and Inara? Definitely on the right dynamic ball there:D

BEB

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