Blue Sun Room FICTION - DRAMA

All That Was

Monday, May 17, 2004

This is a spoiler of a much larger piece that my friend and I are writing and would like to get some feedback on it.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2778    RATING: 8.0 (PG13)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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TITLE: "All That Was"

AUTHOR: JFCarey2004

FANDOM: "FIREFLY"

RATING: PG - 13

STATUS: New. Spoiler.

FEEDBACK: Welcomed. Very much so.

EMAIL: JFCarey2004@yahoo.com

IM: JFCarey2004

CHINESE DICTIONARY:

Gwon nee ju jee du shu:

Mind your own business.

fong luh:

Crazy.

Huh choo-shang tza-jiao duh tzang-huo:

Animal-fucking Bastard.

Dong ma:

Understand

Dang-ram:

Of course.

Chu ni duh:

Screw you.

Liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze fuh ur-tze:

Son of a drooling whore and monkey.

SUMMARY:

This is a spoiler of a much larger piece that my friend and I are writing and would like to get some feedback on it.

DISCLAIMER:

The usual disclaimers apply. The characters and 'Firefly' are the property and gift of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. No infringement of copyright is intended.

"All That Was"

Written by JFCarey2004

* * * * * * * * * *

Captain Malcolm Reynolds sat alone at the little bar that sat at the edge of the town. He had needed to get away from all the craziness of the day passed. Coming home so Kaylee could see her parents wasn’t as big a deal as she had made it out to be. Luckily Inara was able to find some respectable clients for herself here as well. Everyone was making out pretty damn lucky, that was until the heart attack. Kaylee’s father wasn’t the healthiest man Mal had ever seen and his little scare sure showed that to everyone.

Thankfully Simon was able to go to work quickly and save the man, which would only increase that crush Kaylee had for him. It was a nice thing though, Mal thought to himself, to be able to bring Kaylee back home for a spell. Mal remembered back to when she came on board, by coincidence really, but still she had earned more than his respect. What good was a ship without someone to make it run?

Mal took another sip from his drink as he noticed someone sit next to him. He didn’t really give it any thought nor any look, as the case was. Unfortunately, being alone wasn’t something Mal was going to be lucky

Comments
Monday, 17 May 2004 11:35
I very much like the potential of this story though the move from Mal not wanting to touch this job with a barge pole to agreeing to take the man wherever he wanted seemed a little too swift and I am concerned about the Captain taking on trust this unknown figure who bandies the name of Niska in his face as if that is supposed to somehow make his offer of work more acceptable. I'm all kinds of wary of this unnamed client. Be interesting to see where you take it from here.
Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
ANONYMOUS
Tuesday, 18 May 2004 13:06
I like the idea. And want to know where this one goes..

I think Mal might have been a bit suspisicous about where that much moeny was coming from though.
ANONYMOUS
Tuesday, 18 May 2004 18:23
Ditto Ali D's comments. Also, I'm wondering whether you're looking at time travel (ugh, please not) or an actual journey to Earth-That-Was, which I'm pretty sure must still exist somewhere out in the Black. Be very interested to read *that* story. HurrySundown
Tuesday, 18 May 2004 23:20
Some of the dialogue didn't quite ring true but very interested toi see where this could go...
Wednesday, 19 May 2004 00:53
Thanks for the comments, have take then all in and will be re-working this piece when I continue work on the FanFic. Specifically with the dialogue and money issue... with the name of Niska issue, that was, as I created the piece, more or less used to get Mal's attention, but I'll look at that too.

Thank you all.

As for how they get to Earth-That-Was, I will say it isn't time travel. This definitly isn't Star Trek.
ANONYMOUS
Wednesday, 19 October 2005 18:24
OK I like the idea so far. but i agree you need to work on the character dialog a bit more. also one request could you put some mal/inara in this even a tiny bit! PLEASE!

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