Black Rock Ops: Going back home (part one)
Rated PG13 just to be safe
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Ext.- DEEP SPACE
We can see nothing but the black of space, the nothingness makes it difficult to tell whether you or the space around you is moving. There is no sound.
Then we turn and see a large steel object floating in space. It's a ship, a Firefly. Its lights are off and it floats aimlessly through the black, as it turns through space we see a large painted symbol on its side.
"SERENITY."
.
INT.- SERENITY'S BRIDGE
Inside we see the bridge is empty, the lights that used to glow on the console no longer do. Then we see a plastic toy T-Rex floating, and there are three bullet sized holes on the wind shield. Zooming in we can see a big hole in the re-enforced glass.
.
INT.- SEREINITY'S MED ROOM
The lights are flickering and outside the Med room, with the exception of the red lights blinking on and off, it is dark. Unlike the bridge it is not silent here, a siren is heard going off in tune with the red lights. There, crew run about as Mal shout directions, the scene seems chaotic in contrast to the female voice echoing through the halls.
SERENITY VOICE:
Warning! There is a breach in area one's atmosphere regulation system.
Warning...
Mal turns and stand is about to walk out of the med room when Jayne bumps into him.
MAL:
Jayne they're gone, so unless Vera can plug up that big hole they left you put her aside and prep the gorram suits!
Jayne looks nervous and he is armed with a very big gun (Vera.) He nods at Mal and walks quickly towards the suits.
MAL (cont.):
Kaylee! Kaylee! Where the diyu is that girl!
In the med room we see Simon filling a needle with some thing from a dark vial, behind him under the bed is River. She is shaking and Kaylee sits next to her probably trying to calm her but she hears the captain calling so she stands.
KAYLEE:
In here Captain!
Mal walks to her and sees river on the floor next to her. At that moment, River clings to Kaylee’s leg,
This format is a bit hard to read. You might consider capitalizing the names like a normal shooting script would look like. Might make it easier to read.
By putting the names in caps like a shooting script, I meant the names of the characters as well. See here for an example: http://www.twiztv.com/scripts/firefly/season1/firefly-104.htm
Still...I am intrigued here, IR:D
BEB
This is one of the most amazing pieces of writing that I've read in a long while *Fanfiction wise and any other book wise*
I cant wait to find out what has happened to Inara and also why River is still psycho. This is set 4 years after the BDM. Nice. I bet everyone has changed alot in so many ways. Keep writing and I'll keep reviewing mei-mei.
*Hugs*
P.s If I can offer some more feedback. Maybe do the flashbacks in Italics if some people are having trouble understanding them. Then again since I havent posted any fanfic's I dont know if this'll be possible. Just adding my usual 2 cents ^_~
Also I would like to take the op. to thank my beta Tayeatra whom has hepled me a great deal with this fanfic. THANKS SO MUCH!
also thanks to any one whom has commented, I'll let you know i'm working on answering your questions, and on leaving you with many more.
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