She never cried. Never. Not before the war, not during the war, not after the war. She thought she had been through every kind of pain there was. She was wrong.

********

"I'm a leaf on the wind. Watch how--" A harpoon came crashing through the window, right into Wash's chest.

"Wash! Wash! Baby, get up! Get up, baby c'mon get up!" She shook her husband, trying to force him awake. Mal lunged at her.

"Zoe!" The two fell onto the floor, harpoons crashing through the windows, nearly hitting them.

********

She was almost angry that Mal had saved her life. If he had just let her stand there, she would be with her Wash. Her husband. Her support, her comfort. Her love. Her life.

She kept her mind busy for weeks helping to repair Serenity. She pretended that Wash was still alive and well. Even when Serenity was flying high again, she found useless things for her to do to keep her mind off Wash. She wasn't ready to mourn. She wasn't ready to believe Wash was dead.

She was cleaning her already clean guns again in the dining area when Inara walked in.

"Zoe, I think we should talk." Zoe didn't look up.

"I'm listening."

"No...I mean I think you should talk. Don't you need to talk to someone about Wash's death?" Zoe continued to polish her gun and didn't answer. "You need to wallow, Zoe. Cry it out, talk to someone. Mourn. It's natural to feel-"

"I don't need to 'wallow'! I'm handling things fine."

"Zoe, everyone needs to wallow after lose." Inara said calmly. Zoe picked up her guns and left the room, and called over her shoulder, "Stay out of my business."

********

"She'll be alright, Mal." Inara tried to comfort him. It was late at night and the two sat in their pajamas in the dining area drinking tea. Inara still hadn't decided if she was to stay or not, and it was driving Mal insane.

"No. She won't. Zoe doesn't cry, 'Nara. Not ever." Mal looked at the floor, his hands balled into fists, trying to control his feelings.

"That's why she cries so much now. Everyone has to have a good cry once an