Contrary to human nature and I ain't ready for that

Saturday, February 27, 2010 1:19 PM

I am in process of reading the New Testament (yeah, I know) because my new mom is convinced it will help me find my way through all this. I woulda said no, but she's my friend and I believe she's genuinely trying to help. So here I am. I am reading with an open mind. And it ain't helping. So far, all it's done is convince me that I am going straight to hell. As in, I wouldn't be at all shocked if a hole opened up under my brand new boots and a whole flock of demons come up and drug my ass down in it. Straight. To. Hell. Yeah, thanks. And if I don't want to go that way, I must force myself to behave in a way that is against my essential nature. The nature I was born with...the one that, if you believe, God gave me. I mean, what the fuck was He thinking? I don't even pretend to understand it. So, I'm guessing I just ain't ready for it. That's a shame, since my friend's faith is so strong and I agree that faith like that can be no end of help. I just ain't got it in me. She's gonna be disappointed in me, but she's just going to have to join the crowds. Lots of folks are disappointed in me. I got the nagging feeling that she ain't gonna be the sort to give up on the idea, hence "mom" or "preacher-mom," and I can respect that. She is at least able to talk about it without the drawing of weapons, which is a good thing. Some people can't.

Anyway, I'm finding myself a little confused by all of it. I'm still pretty much a heathen, let's face it, and unlikely to change. But it certainly is something to think about. You don't often see that kind of true faith these days. I've met lots of folks who talk it, but very few who actually believe it, who live it. This gal, she honest-to-God lives it, and it's hard not to be affected by it. Even this wretched specimen here has tried to cut down on the swearing and slinging about of things...not always successfully, but the effort is significant. I don't want to offend.

So, I'm still reading. My mind is still open. I will, if nothing else, be educated to something new.

Something to think about besides the obvious state of my life is a welcome respite, but a short one. Today, I gotta start getting stuff packed and ready to ship home. No point in dragging my winter stuff around any more. Gotta have mom ship me some warm weather gear. It was near 70 yesterday, and I am ready to be warm again. Can't do much on a Saturday but try not to eat or sleep too much.

So on that note, Travellers, I'm moving on. Cat says it's nap time, so I'll be in my bunk...

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