LEEDAVIDT'S BLOG
brownquotes "trash"
Monday, January 19, 2009 5:16 PM
Trash[Mal is shown sitting naked on a rock, in the middle of the desert.]
Mal: (pause) Yep. That went well.
Monty: Mal, I want you to meet my Bridget.
[Monty steps aside to reveal Saffron, aka Mrs. Malcolm Reynolds. She and Mal draw guns on each other.]
Monty: So… you guys have met.
Monty: Damn you, Bridget! Damn you to Hades! You broke my heart in a million pieces! You made me love you, and then you… I shaved off my beard for you, devil woman!
[As Saffron rummages through her purse, Malcolm puts a gun to her head.]
Mal: You're gonna want to pull your claw out of that bag, nice and slow.
Saffron: Relax. I'm not going for a gun or anything.
[Saffron pulls out some lipstick.]
Saffron: Just freshening up.
[Mal takes the lipstick from her and tosses it away.]
Mal: You and lipstick are a dangerous combination, if I recall.
. . .
[Mal frisks Saffron.]
Saffron: Mmm. You missed a spot.
Mal: Can't miss a place you've never been.
Mal: This is my scrap of nowhere. You go on, find your own.
Saffron: You can't just leave me here on this lifeless piece-of-crap moon.
Mal: I can.
Saffron: I'll die.
Mal: Well, as a courtesy, you might start getting busy on that, 'cause all this chatter ain't doin' me any kindness.
Saffron: Why don't you just go ahead and shoot me then?
(Mal points his gun at her.)
Saffron: This was all your fault, you know. I had a perfect crime lined up.
Mal: Sure. You were gonna steal a man's beard.
Saffron: No, you HOE-tze duh PEE-goo! A million-square job. The big time. I was going to cut Monty and his crew in, but you screwed that royal.
Mal: Odd, but I don't think I'll be losing sleep over it.
Saffron: I've got the layout, entrance codes… Believe me, this practically robs itself.
Mal: Bye-bye, now.
[Inara cannot find work because Mal is avoiding central planets]
Inara: Right, you're a criminal mastermind! What was the last cargo we snuck past the Alliance to transport?
Mal: That was a little dif—
Inara: What was the cargo?
Mal: [pauses, embarrassed] They were dolls.
Inara: They were little geisha dolls with big heads that wobbled!
Mal: Hey! People love those!
Inara: Well, since I can't seem to find work as Companion, I might as well become a petty thief like you!
[An uncomfortable silence descends for a moment.]
Mal: Petty?
Inara: I didn't mean petty.
Mal: What did you mean?
Inara: Suo-SHEE?
Mal: ...That's Chinese for "petty".
Mal: Saffron has a notion we can walk right in there, take the Lassiter right off his shelf.
Wash: I'm confused.
Saffron: You're asking yourself if I've got the security codes, why don't I go in, grab it for myself?
Wash: No. Actually, I was wondering… WHAT'S SHE DOING ON THIS SHIP?
. . .
Wash: We're in space! How'd she get here?
Mal: She hitched.
Wash: I don't recall pulling over!
. . .
Jayne: Okay. I got a question. If she's got the security codes, why doesn't she just walk in and grab it herself?
Saffron: (sarcastically) Good point!
. . .
Mal: Zoe? You ain't said a word. Time to weigh in.
Zoe: Take sounds ripe enough, assuming we can fence it.
Saffron: I know a guy on Persephone. Already has half dozen buyers on the bid.
Zoe: But Inara ain't wrong.
[She stands to face Saffron.]
Zoe: She can't be trusted.
Mal: I ain't asking you to trust her. I'll be with her on the inside the whole time.
Saffron: See there? All you gotta do to be a rich woman, hon, is… get over it.
Zoe: Hmm. Okay.
[Zoe belts Saffron, who falls to the floor.]
Zoe: I'm in.
[Jayne is watching over Simon and River, who are talking about Saffron.]
River: She's a liar.
Jayne: That don't exactly set her apart from the rest of us. The plunder sounds fun enough.
River: She's a liar, and no good will come of her.
Jayne: Well, as a rule, I say, girlfolk ain't to be trusted.
River: [grinning] "Jayne" is a girl's name.
Jayne: Well, Jayne ain't a girl! She starts in on that girl's-name thing, [reaches into his pants] I'll show her good 'n' a
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