giving up.

Monday, July 5, 2004 1:20 AM

I was suposed to have a show this month.
art show.
my art.
my show.
I pulled out today. I realized I only have half as many pieces as I wanted to show and the ones I do have I don't really feel like they are ready to show. like with maybe a little tweeking they would be all set but I don't have the time for tweekage. oh how much would I give to have time for tweekage! but I work. 40-50 hours a week. + the toll the illnesses take on me = no time for self. I mean from an early age I've known that no one likes their job. its your patriotic duty to be miserable. roll in it! but I can't do it anymore. should I really hate getting up after an almost sleepless night to go to work? so much so that I pray every night that I wont wake up? oh eternal rest. boo yeah. I hate breathing. I hate the feel of my own heart beeting. I hate the sun. I hate happy people. I hate eating and testing my blood and shooting up. I hate pills and drowziness. I hate side-effects and forgetfulness. I hate highs and lows and manics and depressive dips. I hate therapy. I hate the fakeness of people. I dunno.

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