That a shotgun or are you just happy to see me?

Friday, July 2, 2004 8:04 PM

There are many ways to wake up. One of the worst ways is to wake up to gunfire and screams of murder and carnage. That was exactly how I woke up this morning.

So there I was, naked as a jaybird, still hung over from the night before, sweaty shotgun gripped too tight, staring out in disbelief over my bountiful crop of Alliance Decon Foam to see regiment after regiment of Browncoats! And the slaughter… rifle fire everywhere, and two Allliance skiffs making low passes, about 100 feet off the ground, explosions and bodies flying in all directions.

Or so I thought.

“Hey, Browncoat, what’s going on?” I yelled.

To my horror, the passing Browncoat, obscured by her hat, was a young woman about 22, red curly hair and freckled face. She stared up at me standing on my porch, buck naked as a newborn, and I swear to God, that Browncoat smiled.

“We’re hardcores!” She called up. “This is a re-enactment of the Battle of Bil. I’m with Reynolds Regiment.” After a moment she added. “We were told that most of these farms had been abandoned.”

I lowered my shotgun and swore.

As she walked off, she called back. “Don’t worry about this Alliance Menace, sir! We’ll push em back. Eat em all and throw away the core!” God, I hadn’t heard that bullsh*t in years.

I don’t know what made me do it, but I called the young woman back. I told her about the caves, the former Browncoat stronghold and cigar butts that I had found. Smiling again, she nodded and was gone. And I was alone again. Naked. In a field. With a bunch of spoiled kids, pretending to be something higher and mightier than they were.

An explosion sent Decon Foam flying in all directions and I slowly retreated back into the house.

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