FUTUREMRSFILLION'S BLOG
College bound woes
Wednesday, October 18, 2006 2:46 PM
#1 has had a stressful 2 years. Truthfully he has had a stressful 10 years. You see that is when he first understood what it was to be gay. He lived with what he thought was his secret until about 6 months ago. He then finally admitted it to me. The most painful thing I have ever experienced in my ENTIRE life was the look of relief on his face when he realized that I didn't care. No not that I didnt care, but that it was ok. He was him and I love him. No questions. Unconditionally. Forever and ever amen. More than all the stars the nights sky could show us and all that.How hard it must be to live with a secret you think is so horrible that your mother will not love you anymore.
He is a changed person. But he still struggles. Add to all that the fact that his dad is a useless carbon based life form, and the fact that we live in a tiny rural town, surrounded by tiny rural town in the buckle of the bible belt.
Taking all this in to consideration I am not really surprised that he doesn't feel ready for college. He had wanted to be a Vet his whole life, up until the last year or so. He now has no idea what he wants to do. I feel his pain as I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. If indeed I ever do.
All this is the long story way of saying that he has decided to withdraw from college this semester. I am not happy. I am afraid that what he thinks is a "year off" will turn into a lifetime of struggling to get by as I do. But then I remember what a remarkable kid he is. I remember that he has grown up to honor WHO he is. He loves his family, he respects his gramma. He loves animals. I have faith in him. And then of course we could just become the stereotypical gay man living with his mom and 5 cats. I would'nt mind. He and #2 are my most favorite people in the world. Maybe we could get gramma to move in too.
Love to my boys.
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