People do change

Friday, September 29, 2006 4:01 AM

The character from BtVS called Faith comes to mind as I write this mini-blog. At this very moment because I feel like the Faith character in relations to this forum of Fireflyfan.net.

On BtVS Faith shows up, befriends Buffy and the Scoobies and then go forth to fight the evils of the night only that we start right off to see that there is something wrong with her, but we put our suspicions aside because she is after all a Slayer. Later on she's trying to get Buffy to loosen up a little and be a bad girl and before you know it Faith is killing humans, and is totally drunk with the power that comes with having the abilities of a Slayer. Faith had clearly chosen a path that would, in the long run would bring her to destruction.

Later, after having been in prison, we see Faith again in action but this time she actually trying to do the right thing. She actually tries to be what she was called to be; a Slayer fighting for good. This is me in relations to this board. I am Faith that did all the wrong things, made people hate me because of the things that I did, and said. Made people not want to talk to me, or interact with me because I was crazy or imbalanced, or insane, or just a totally insensitive bitch that seemed to like hurting other people. This is fine. This is what I deserve based on my actions of the past. I would not expect anything less, and it is okay, but you who are reading this should at least consider that some people deserve a 2nd chance. I do deserve a 2nd chance. I may have an ill view towards myself and the universe, but I also have to acknowledge that when smoke clears I am fighting on the side of good no matter how I try to twist it. I am a good person, and I will have no one tell me anything different. I grew up listening to people telling me I was bad and I stupidly believed them, but no more. The best thing for some of you is if you don't have anything good to say to me don't say anything at all because I don't want to read your negative crap.

What's good about this board is that I don't have to bond with all of the old people here who do have a valid problem with me. I can bond with the new people, so I'm not asking for the forgiveness of the older members of this board; matter of fact I'm not asking for forgiveness at all, but I do recognize that my actions of the past was not a very good thing; I have issues that I a very much aware of, and am working on them. I have to let go of trying to gain the attention of the old-timers here on Fireflyfan.net and make them irrelevant to my interactions with other people here on this board who don't know me and therefore will interact with me; This is a good thing.

I'm here on this board for Firefly and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I'm here to talk about episodes and sci-fi. I'm here to share pictures, video, and music. I am also here to chat. Anything beyond that is a waste of my time. All the old timers and people I knew a few months ago cease to exist in my mind and I shall not respond to anything they have to say, but all the new people I gladly will interact with.

Sometimes the best victories in life come down to knowing when you were wrong and righting it yourself and moving on even if you are looked down on by others. It makes me that much stronger.

I really like being me.

-River

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