I've screwed it up.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006 1:31 PM

Ok... so I'm in the UK and at Uni. In the first year pretty much everyone lives on campus but then in the second year you move into houses with friends.

My uni doesn't publish the housing list until really late (24th May).

When we came back after christmas loads of people started stressing out and going off and getting accommodation sorted. Some people's parents are even buying them houses which I could never afford.

A few of my friends started grouping up and that was fine. The thing is I do a dual honours course. For one subject I'm the only girl and although I get on fine with the guys they've been grouping up with people they currently live with in halls.

So I was stressing a bit and starting to get very nervous when some friends on the other course said I could move in with them (about a month ago). They were waiting for the list and they were really nice people so I was happy.

The deadline for applying for on-campus accommodation has passed and it was mentioned by a couple of people I knew that they might be able to find a spare room but since I didn't know them that well I figured I didn't need to worry about it.

So about an hour ago I found out that the people I was supposed to move in with have found a four bedroom house...one room short. Apparently it's perfect (except for not having five bedrooms) and since I was last in i'm first out.

So now it's three days before the housing list comes out. Everyone I know (seriously...everyone) has sorted accommodation for next year. I'm on my own. It's too late to apply on-campus. So I've pretty much managed to screw it all up.

The best bit is I now get to phone my Dad and explain that I'm too much of a loser to actually find any friends to live with.

At Christmas I went home and my family was just joking around and my Dad commented that there's always one misfit in every group and he pointed at me. I know he was only joking but he was right. I just don't fit.

He had a mini-stoke last week and everyone's really worried about him. He's expecting me to call to tell him about the house and I don't know what to say. All I really want to do is not be here. I just want to get on a train and go home but that'll just stress out everyone at home.

I don't understand how my brother and sister managed to find houses just find but I'm stuck here totally screwed and I just feel like a failure.

Someone knocked on my door about five minutes ago but I don't want it to be any of the people I was supposed to move in with because they're all apologetic and I don't want them to see me cry. I ignored it. They can probably hear me in here so now I'm a failure and a coward.

This morning I felt pretty good.

Now I just want to curl up and die.

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