UNCHARTEDOUTLAW'S BLOG
Letter to the Red States
Wednesday, September 14, 2005 2:51 PM
Okay, so I'm posting this here because it's funny. My sister-in-law sent it to me.Dear Red States...
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own
country, and we're taking the other Blue States with
us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii,
Oregon,Washington,Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan,
Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split
will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the
slave states. We get stem cell research and the best
beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make
the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower
than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of
happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be
pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all
our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need
people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids
they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for
no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show
pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We
do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs
turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources
in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm
control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water,
more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92
percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at
state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of
the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur
coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all
the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have
to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and
their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all
U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes,
90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all
Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all
televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University,
Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states
believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62
percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing
the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that
Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you
crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher
morals then we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can
have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States
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