Joss wants OSU to beat UT

Friday, September 9, 2005 10:28 PM

I lay awake at night, disturbed by visions of invading evildoers and their designs on my town, when appeared to me such a vision -- it was Master Joss! Lo, and Joss declared unto me, "Who is thine enemy, that I may smite them with pestilence and boils and such."

"Hark!" I replied, "Verily, mine enemies come unto Columbus with design on smashing thy loyal servant's Buckeyes!"

"And what name dost thou give thine enemy?"

"I name my enemy Texas Longhorns."

"They have not a chance," Joss assured me, "For thine Buckeyes shall crush these Longhorns, and those from the accursed region shall wail in despair, and there shall be much plucking of beards and gnashing of teeth."

"Verily, thou art a wise and just ruler," I responded. "Is there anything my lord requires of me for this victory you have promised?"

"No, my son," Joss said in a reassuring voice. "But fail not in the ingestion of as much fermented beverage as necessary in order that thou mayest taunt thine enemies upon their fall."

And it was good.

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