Star Wars episode III Review(spoilers)

Monday, May 23, 2005 3:12 PM

WARNING THE FOLLOWING BLOG HAS SPOILERS (do not read until you see the movie) AND IS WRITTEN BY A BIG NERD WHO THINKS HE'S COOL BUT SINCE HE IS WRITING A BLOG ON A KIDDIE SCI-FI FILM HE OBVIOUSLY IS NOT.DO NOT BE TOO HARSH ON HIM,FOR YOU SEE HE IS DYING..........WHENEVER,TECHNICALLY WE ALL ARE GONNA DIE,WHEN? WELL THAT'S WHAT SUCKS ABOUT DEATH.WHAT WAS I SAYING? AH,YES--ENJOY THE GEEK BLOG,MAY THE BLOG BE WITH YOU---SEE? TOTAL NERD WITH BAD PUNS.

Memo to Lucas- Damn you.Why do you continue to hurt me? I feel like I am in an abusive relationship.Everytime you hurt me,I make excuses for you and forgive you once more.This isn't about the special editions(continue to tweak them if you wish--I don't care anymore)this isn't about the first 2 films,this is about the last film.Did you hear me?LAST FILM.You see,everytime I saw the other films,I was dissapointed,but I would always follow it up with"Well the next one has to get better..."well what am I gonna say now?Alright enough whining let me start the review

the first hour----boooorrrring! The space battles--been there done that,you know they are gonna survive there is no danger and it's just not that fun,I kept asking where my x-box controller was.
My biggest beef, was how fast he turned to the dark side. It all happened in a matter of 24 hours. He was about to turn in the emperor
to the Jedi council one moment and 24 hours later, he's mowing down Jedi children and killing dozens. Lucas was heading in the right direction-
the relationship between him and the council, the feeling of betrayal, the isolation, etc. but because he ran out of time it required this
gigantic leap at the end... a leap that simply didn't make sense or at least was understandable.
Oh! and wookies? WASTED! USELESS! POINTLESS!

I didn't as much hate the dialogue between Padme and Anikan,(I swear to god if she calls him "annie" one more time i'm going to throw a copy of the "annie" dvd at Natilie Portmans' head)as much as i was disappointed with its content. It didn't progress their relationship.
It didn't change or evolve toward something- toward anything. Her feelings remained the same the whole way thru- she was in love with him,
believed him and supported him right up until the end. I wanted their conversations to continue to break down as the movie progressed. I wanted his
desperation to save their love to be part of the reason he turned, but it simply wasn't there. None of that happened. a huge missed opportunity.

Yoda is completely wrong- again (He is clearly angry in the movie and anger leads to the dark side). The limp diminutive character (size does
not matter) that is introduced in 'empire' is long lost in these movies. The
hopping, jumping and quick flashy Yoda simply betrays all of what Yoda was teaching Luke in the swamps. whatever happened to the idea that less is
more. Just because Yoda flips the structure of his sentences, doesn't make it more insightful. "turning toward the dark side, Anikan is" is still "Anikan is turning toward the dark side"- that's what we get from the Jedi supreme
master? Lucas seems to use this structure to make up for the lack of writing ability, and he uses this trick way too often- it becomes very
annoying. Remember, some of yoda's best lines aren't structured like that:
"that is why you fail"

Get rid of the ultra silly chase sequences. phantom had the overly long and suspenseless pod race and the silly underwater chase, clones had
the conveyor frogger belt sequence and the jason and Argonauts gladiator fight, and this movie had the most of all three- the opening battle sequence with the distracting robot insects, the lizard chase sequence with grievous
(that was painful), most of all the annoying escape from grievous' ship culminating in the nonsensical landing of his ship. It seemed this
movie had either huge action sequences of quiet moments between two characters-nothing in between.

The light saber duels should be less complicated, not more. The simple duel
between Luke and vader in empire was easy to follow

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