LISSA'S BLOG
intense weekend...wow...
Sunday, November 21, 2004 11:04 PM
i just had the most insane weekend...i just can't even describe how intense it was...so i'll just say what happened. this is really long, but it's actually kinda an interesting story, if you've got the time...ok, so i've really liked this guy dave that lives in my house (technically its a dorm, but it's a brownstone house and only 19 people live there) since pretty much the beginning of the school year. a couple weeks into the year it looked like we were gonna hook up, but then he told me how when he's in relationships he always screws them up and he never wants one again, stuff like that. he never specifically said anything about me, so after a while i kinda conviced myself he really only likes me as a friend. we've been good friends since then, although i was never quite sure if he wanted to be friends with me or not just cause he has a wierd personality lol where he likes to make fun of me, act like a jerk, whatever. but sometimes he's really really sweet, and sometimes we would end up just randomly cuddling or hugging or whatever...so a couple weeks ago i started dating this guy miguel. he's really hot, and at first he seemed really awesome, but we had a date friday night where we went out to eat and then watched a movie at my place, and he just seemed...boring. like, we got along well and stuff, it just wasn't as good as it had at first seemed. also, i kept thinking about dave. dave isn't as tall or big or "hot" as miguel, but there's just something about him that makes him absolutely adorable to me, and hot in his own davelike way:) so after the date i was feeling kinda crappy, like i didn't know if i should keep seeing miguel or not, and also because i was sure nothing was gonna happen with dave and that just made everything with miguel not seem as good. so i stayed up late that night watching monty python movies with dave and some people, and during this i told dave about how i was feeling about miguel (not the parts about dave, lol). he was basically like "are you making out with him? then be happy." so then when the movies were over it was just me and dave and my roommate rachel left. we were all kinda goofing around on the floor (cause it was like 4 am) and dave kinda started getting a little cuddly with me, and i think rachel could see it was different from usual so she kinda slipped out. so then dave asked if i wanted to come down to his room with him cause his roommate was leaving in a few minutes so i did. so we ended up talking about how we've both liked each other for a while and how he was just scared to do anything cause he didnt want to hurt me or ruin our friendship. but we decided we should just go for it, and we just spent the night together (not in a sex way) just being immensely happy. it was really intense, and we actually both said "i love you" (and we both meant it). it felt like we had been together for a really long time, and it just felt perfect and right. it was probably the happiest night of my life, it was just like surreal, like it was too perfect to really be happening. he told me he felt happier than he had felt since high school (he's a sophomore, i'm a freshman). we got up around 2 the next day (although we barely slept at all lol) and he went to see a friend that ws coming in from another college and then he went to battle of the bands. i fell asleep at like 9:30 so i didnt see him at all that night. so then he came to talk to me this morning. he told me that the last thing he wants to do is hurt me, but he has some major emotional problems (mood swings) that he's trying to get off medication for, and he thought he was better but he kinda freaked out yesterday and he realized that he can't be in a relationship right now. it's not about me, and he's not gonna start something with anyone else. i guess this had ruined his past relationships...apparently his exes all hate him, and doesn't want that to happen with us. he also told me i'm his best friend in boston, and if he lost that it would be so bad...so i'm not mad at him at all, but needless to say, well, i'm real
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